A different type of post.

"Someday is Today."  Some statement, but am I living it?  When it comes to experiencing new things and setting some goals... maybe; but I want to experience more.  Today, while watching a movie I realized that the experiences I am actively pursuing are individual experiences, they do not require emotional involvement with others.

"My Sister's Keeper" is a movie about a girl that was conceived to supply body parts for an older sister that had leukemia; she sued her parents to retain the medical rights to her body.  The movie was emotional and I think the actors gave a stellar performance when acting out the emotions one faces when dealing with the illness and the pain they face when a loved one is dying.  The survivors experience a need to do everything they can, to prolong the life of the one that is dying; it is an overwhelming task, even when it goes against the will of the dying person. 

While watching the movie, I choked up, cried tears and vividly remembered and experienced the very real physical/emotional pain I felt when JoAnn died.  I remembered that my chest and throat constricted to the point of pain and that I could not breathe.  I remember the part of my soul that was ripped away.  I thought, as I have before, why would anyone want to put themselves in that position again... why would I want to be in another relationship where I would take the chance of going through that loss again?  (I just experienced a great emotional heaviness and sigh and got teary eyed as I wrote this.)  On the other side of that coin, why would I want to expose a partner to that pain and loss if I were the one to get sick and die?

Is it any wonder that I attract and am attracted to women that are unavailable - married or too young?  This allows me to interact with women that meet some of my emotional needs and yet prevents the physical bonding and further cementing of a deeply spiritual and emotional relationship that will prevent me from again experiencing that greatest of all losses.

So why does this post belong here on this blog?  I believe that it is time to remove this thinking from my life so I can find a partner that will further enhance my life.  I am happy with my life and do not need a partner to make it better, but it would be nice to have someone to share it with, to be intimate with, to grow with and to share goals with.

Therefore, Some Day, I will attract available women into my life.